Today I forced my way through overcrowded Neubaugasse, where autumn flea market took place. For a while I was standing by kiosks with Lagos fried crumpets with garlic, inhibited by the struggle of motives and feeling overflow of saliva in my mouth.

I heard from older generation that during Second World War at market places of some provincial Russian towns there were children who were standing and stared at food, hypnotized by sight of bread and potatoes. Being adult and living in one of safest place in the world, I am gazing at food too.

First of all I enjoy being hungry.

I am feeling how healthy primary instinct raises its heard in me.

Second, I can go on in Vienna only in conditions of strict economy. Before buying anything at all, I double check severe necessity of this item for survival. If I have only a few coins, I make decision in favor of less poisonous product.

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“People now are too practical. All they think about is earning money and then sleeping with a girl for free, and then earning more money” Wei Hui, author of bestseller “Shanghai baby”

Once upon time being enterprising Moscow reporter I would write sketches for rubric  journalist changes profession. It is vital to know intimately what you are writing about. Not only spending time together with certain people, but also looking at the world with their eyes.

Perhaps my psychological interest to call girls was always one degree too high.  As common prejudice, this interest made my private interview encounters suspicious about real motives of my curiosity, sometimes they would stop confide and ask: Why you are so much about whores, are you so yourself? To what I could reply: What does it mean to be prostitute or not to be one? We must agree about terms we use for certain behavior and life mode, we also must compromise about border which separates prostitution and other seemingly honest or clean activities in real life situations.

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Portrait is always the sort of intimacy between photographer and model, even if it is spontaneous street or public portrait. With intuitive wisdom photographer tries to reveal most prominent features of model character, if possible. Normally 20-30 attempts give one interesting snapshot, and 50 provide sufficient material for normal characteristic portrait. Fast street portraits look inexpressive and dim, when author has no time to make two-three additional shots. Photographer also becomes very close to model when processing photos at big screen and struggling with inevitable blemishes of skin, which can tell a lot about habits and character of individual.

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Wanderlust, after two years of mood zigzags and transfers from one universe to the other I start again writing in my diary. Why people write diaries at all? Who reads them on Internet? When you write your blog you must write it first of all for yourself, because as author you would never be understood or rewarded by special attention. Bust writing helps to realize many things.
Where I go? Why life can be so hard? What is satisfying relationship? And if we create our world ourselves, why we cannot make it be better?
Why I photograph, to start with, and what is good photography? How one can photograph people and get satisfaction from this activity? How to advance in this business, how to earn your living with photography? How to earn it in big city where you are stranger and don’t know anybody? How to earn your living with photography in big city where you are stranger and when you have no regular work and income? And when you are female?
And many other questions that till now stay without answers. Don’t exclaim: it is impossible! Come with me and look.

Somewhere near main square I spotted her, she was waiting for somebody, nervously looking around and tugging her bag – dark haired girl in dress with open shoulders. I knew at once what she felt.

Perhaps, private date, when person under question promised, but has not come. By sadness and special air of vulnerability, I could say she was in love. At this point I recollected the words of Russian writer Edward Limonov: “Those who are loved always leave”.

How many years she needs to realize that global emotional investments in love affairs are not justified! Chances to meet eternity manifested in somebody are slim, as long as you don’t find this eternity in yourself

Feeling lonely I would go to railway station and stay there thinking about different things. What is love? What is success and failure? They exist as patterns common for all, or everybody has his own definition? What is there for sure is movement. Moving along the road, sometimes carriage can even stop or go backwards when line is busy, but always resumes to go forward. Every step is as important as next one, and all of them have equal value. I mean there is not better than here and now. And road never ends.

Many-a-time I thought why numbers three and seven have symbolic and sacred meaning. Group of three looks rather good at photo, because two is mostly closed unit, and four is unstable. This family was crossing Huetteldorferstrasse when I made quick snap going home. Girl was running, and her feet look not so sharp out. It is quite close to the place, where I live.

When-I-still had permanent residence in Graz two months ago, somebody told me that cafe Aida has cheapest espresso in Vienna. When I visited capital last winter I saw many elderly dames sitting over there behind big windows of this old fashioned place of communication. I was not in love with Vienna then yet. What does it mean to be in love with city? To love its air, people going along the streets, or may be somebody who is especially close to you and who was born here?

All my street photos were made in situation when there is no time for reflection and often no time for second shot, my DSLR camera is too visible and too big, and though I don’t want to intrude into or change somehow the material of reality around me, the only available way is alertness and quick reaction. This is one of my first blog entries! It sounds strange.