Once great Russian writer Ivan Turgenev wrote that our happiness is usually erected at pedestal of other people misfortune. Mechanism of reality is so that we can feel good only on expense of somebody else. In ethical sphere it is expressed in emotional vampire-like sucking of humans, in social and economic sphere it lays in basement of labor exploitation. Any human society has hierarchic edifice, and all social organizations support and contribute to it. From this point of view all my petitions to Austrian employment offices and applications to newspapers are not completely senseless, o, no! They confirm the universal rule: persons without income, immigrants, lonely and also those who have no native education and work experience- fill lower groups of society open to mistreat and exploitation. With their own bodies, they erect pedestal for feet of other species in social hierarchy. It would be miraculous thing if one of Austrian newspapers would willingly offer me a piece of pie. Journalism and media normally perform management functions in society to preserve its existing arrangement and power boards.

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They_say the moments when airplane takes off and lands are most fascinating. There I was again – in the big belly of steel bird landing this time in Stockholm airport. High speed, vibration and awareness of certain risk- make perception especially sharp. In proximity of a few seconds you evaluate all your life. I was invited to Sweden by one of my pen-friends with whom I corresponded for 5 last years of my stay in Moscow. Nils often wrote me about his life. Swedish veterinarian of 50 years old – he would send me packs of stockings and roses in frosty Moscow. My life in Russia was not that easy. Only those of mixed race and nationality origin can possibly understand discriminative nuances of existence in post-soviet reconstructive environment. Chechnya war was going on; now and then I was stopped in the street by police officers who checked documents of all suspicious persons with non-Slavic appearances. By other words, like every other real nomad I was ready to fly and all my property could be packed in a single bag. Sweden- from emigration point of view could be good choice. But I had peculiar premonitions about it. Emigration means complete financial dependency on partner- so you must be sure you can stand it or dig out your own grave.

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Honestly, I do not know what love is. For me it is mystery, that has little to do with intimate contact. It can perfectly exist and flourish in heart without body closeness to beloved. Weird thing is that many men are so eager to conquer woman body, and do nothing to conquer her thoughts. After some efforts they can be granted with sex, but not with love. This process could be compared with eating in expensive, but tasteless restaurant. There you eat, but food does not nourish you, and nice looking dish has negative energy fill. Cook, waiter and manager, all of them added their negative energies to this dish which was expressed in wish to sell you product and then to get rid of you as soon as possible. According to my experience, many men pursue attractive women with only one wish to get access to her genitals, often by means of moral deception. Idea of one or two intercourse by any means is programmed in their mind. After self defeating program is fulfilled and they experienced pleasant release after ejaculation – demoralizing aspects come to surface and make them unhappier than before.

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Galina Toktalieva for Die Wiener Nachrichten
Photo by author
Audacious I am presenting here collection of photos depicting small beggars in Vienna streets. Very often they are accompanied by adults who hide themselves somewhere and then take away collected rewards. I photographed already so often the beggars, that knew all of them in the face. Some time after the begging in the streets with children will be prohibited. I associated myself with these downtrodden people, as it was very hard time for me in Austrian capital, when I lived on nobody knows what and didn’t see any improvement for myself in the future. It is difficult to photograph homeless children, they are afraid of everybody, and many a time I asked myself, do I have moral right to do that. (more…)

Recollecting the past, I see that nude modeling ads used to bring rich post, and usually after some selection you stay with nothing. All corresponding photographers turn out to be only next seekers of strawberry, dozens of them appear and disappear in life of models as foam. The saddest thing is they look not only for strawberry- satisfaction of their own libido- but also eager to get it free of charge. It never occurs to them that all gains they can get by lying are illusive. With one of my insistent correspondents I decided to meet, because he demonstrated some signs of literacy. General literacy gives more hope for mutual understanding. It was rainy day, and we had met in Ritter cafe, at Mariahilfer strasse. Franz was solid man with lively small brown eyes around 50 years old. He showed me big collection of half-nude women in different appealing poses, best photos he made during last years. I think there is no male photographer in the world who would never try to do Akt. Some of their photos are original, two-three are good, and majority is not more than manifestation of their own libido

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During last two days I was out of breath making meticulous review of major Russian newspapers and agencies, who could be potentially interested to gain their own Vienna correspondent, including Izvestia and ITAR-TASS, main Russian news agency with millions of readers auditorium.
Russian press has rather distant and occasional interest to Austrian life that could be completely satisfied by stories about Natascha Kampusch and pricelists of Tyrol Ski resorts. Kyrgyzstan, where I was born – is out of question at all, because budget of largest agencies and newspapers can not afford to support own correspondent abroad.
Russian and Central Asian media if at all, have representatives in Germany.
I also made review of Austrian press, and became aware of fact that political and social life of Austria how it looks like in media- has somewhat reduced vigor, comparing of those in Moscow. Throbbing political pulse is something for other country and other national character. Austrians are mostly about music, museums, beer and schweinsbraten. They are also fascinated by words -nackte- and -models-. When I analyze Google search criteria that lead weak flow of visitors to my websites, I can see that 97% of them used -reife model Galina Toktalieva and -nude models- keywords.* (more…)

Gerald bended  his head, and his face in dim lights of cafe looking crimson, breathing out steams of five big beers he had gulped one after the other.

We were sitting in one of Graz oldest bars Barcelona during its -blue- evening, and in perspective I could observe three male couples flirting. Jerry was 52 years old teacher of English, who moved from UK to Austria many years ago and circulated in Tramino and other hot spots of Graz night life.

Gerry was the person easy to talk with, and even being deeply intoxicated he never criticized anybody. Trying to catch next thought, he was swinging from side to side and his long ash gray hair were waving like washed out ban of underground life and addiction.

-Look, Gali, I have not told you anything, but please, be careful with them.

He hiccupped and added: – By the way, do you know where Graz Aids help desk is?

Then Wolfgang appeared, and afterwards Herbert W.

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***Today I got up late after sleepless night and coming to mirror was suddenly struck by view of middle-aged woman with grey, almost white hair who was staring back at me. The shortest way to survive is to satisfy somebody’s needs. I tried to advertise as photographer in classified but didn’t get even one reply. Life is like lottery, you never know when you will win. After a few hours of doubts and walks to kitchen and back, I created such advertisement in German for local classifieds: Mature model. Mature photo model with large experience looks for new assignments. I would gladly work with any hobby or professional photographer at honorarium and contract basis, expecting minimum 50 Euros per hour. Good photo is our mutual goal, and not having body contact with photographer is the rule. When you are interested, please write me! Ad was accompanied by portfolio of 4 photos. Today I started to get replies. I will summaries for those who do not speak German.
Photographers, or those who consider themselves to be ones, ask me about my pubic hair and offer to make photos nude with the legs apart at the top of their motorcycles. I came back to bathroom and told to sad grey-haired woman:
-You were born in country of high mountings, isnt it, and you remember how to ascend steep high slopes? Step by step. You must concentrate all your mind at making next step and dont look in abyss!

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