Disclosure

Great Russian writer Ivan Turgenev wrote that our happiness is usually erected at pedestal of other people misfortune.

Mechanism of reality is so that we can feel good only on expense of somebody else. In ethical sphere it is expressed in emotional vampiring of humans, in social and economic sphere it lays in basement of labor exploitation.

Any human society has hierarchic edifice, and all social organizations support and contribute to it.

From this point of view all my petitions to Austrian employment offices

and applications to newspapers are not completely senseless, o, no! They confirm the universal rule:

persons without income, immigrants, lonely and also those who have no native education and work experience- fill lower groups of society open to mistreat and exploitation. With their own bodies, they erect pedestal for feet of other species in social hierarchy.

It would be miraculous thing if one of Austrian newspapers would willingly offer me a piece of pie. Journalism and media normally perform management functions in society to preserve its existing arrangement and power boards.

Foreign women emigrated to European union from East bloc often find themselves in this lower groups exposed to moral and sexual abuse. Sexual exploitation takes different forms; it can look as formal marriage or even more or less prolonged relationship. Every bond where woman is completely financially dependent on partner belongs to this group. Many women when married are misused within family, about what hardly anybody knows anything.

Being still young and marketable, such women work in numerous nightclubs of Austria, or also at home at half-professional basis. Not a single woman organization has data how many females are involved in this destructive activity.

Humanitarian and charity organizations exist in imitation sphere, being orientated

at possible donors and sponsors. To get real help or job there is harder than to win fortune in casino.

Coming back to concealed intimate exploitation, I dare say that sex partners and husbands of deprived women are in direct or indirect way

interested in female’s dependency providing only minimum of sustenance

and also assisting not for females social integration or promotion, as they prefer to keep source of their excessive sexual satisfactions intact and covered.

We were terrified by story of Natasha Kampusch, who spent so many years imprisoned by man; but how many women in real life have virtually same level of dependence on libido and mercies of man, who is responsible for their life provisions?

Once more than five years ago living in Graz and trying to find out any solution in my emigration situation that is not solved till now, I talked to Lisa Rücker in cafe Palaver.

She gave me impression of being determined woman, who knows what she talks about.

Lisa gave me advice to get married with Austrian and told it was only way to obtain provision for survival and security in Austria. By other words, this emancipated and self-conscious woman engaged in politics talked about marriage of convenience!

My numerous visits to IZOP in Graz, didn’t give any result, this organization I sadly add to long list of Imitation constructions I came in touch with. I talked to different clerks including Daniela Pils- who could provide only formal superfluous information support.

I also applied for help in KPÖ, about what I have written already in my Survival Diary, and Graz communist party chef Enest Kaltenegger provided some rent support for my flat on the terms I already mentioned about;

Elke Kahr talked only about washing machine, that she could help to obtain,

and district secretary Manfred Eber offered exclusive assistance in correcting my German, and it is true! He did it once.

Hallo,

vielen Dank für Ihre Bewerbung und Ihr damit gezeigtes Interesse an einer Mitarbeit in unserem Unternehmen.

Leider müssen wir Ihnen mitteilen, dass wir keine freie Stelle im gewünschten Bereich zu vergeben haben.

Wir wünschen Ihnen für Ihre berufliche Zukunft viel Erfolg und hoffen, dass Sie bald eine Ihren Vorstellungen entsprechende Tätigkeit finden werden.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Mira Katacic

Krone Multimedia GmbH & Co KG
A-1190 Wien, Muthgasse 2
<mailto:mira@krone.at>
Tel.: +43/1/36 011- 3518
Fax: +43/1/36 011- 3532

Sehr geehrte Frau Toktalieva!

Wir bedanken uns für Ihr Interesse an einer Mitarbeit beim Wiener Hilfswerk. Leider können wir keine passende Stelle als freischaffende Journalistin bzw. Fotografin anbieten. Auf Ihrem weiteren Weg wünschen wir alles Gute und verbleiben
mit freundlichen Grüßen
Mag. Johann Seidl
Personal- und Rechnungswesenleiter
Sollten Sie Interesse an unserer vierteljährlichen, kostenlosen Zeitung “Hand in Hand” haben, schicken Sie bitte ein kurzes Mail an weingartshofer@wiener.hilfswerk.at. Gerne können Sie sich auf unserer homepage http://wien.hilfswerk.at über unser Angebot informieren.

The moment when airplane takes off and lands is fascinating. There I was again - in the big belly of steel bird landing this time in Stockholm airport.

High speed, vibration and awareness of certain risk- make perception especially sharp.

In proximity of a few seconds you evaluate all your life.

I was invited to Sweden by one of my pen-friends with whom I corresponded for 5 last years of my stay in Moscow. Nils often wrote me

about his life. Swedish veterinarian of 50 years old - he would send me packs of stockings and roses in frosty Moscow.

My life in Russia was not that easy. Only those of mixed race and nationality origin can possibly understand discriminative nuances of existence in post-soviet reconstructive environment.

Chechnya war was going on; now and then I was stopped in the street

by police officers who checked documents of all suspicious persons with non-Slavic appearances. By other words, like every other real nomad I was ready to fly and all my property could be packed in a single bag.

Sweden- from emigration point of view – could be good choice. But I had peculiar

premonitions about it. Emigration means complete financial dependency on partner- so you must be sure you can stand it or dig out your own grave.

After landing I felt edgy and could not overcome tremor and limpness of extremities.

Certainly Nils was already waiting for me at the meeting point.

The first moments of extreme anxiousness I could not see anybody around and sensed only that he kissed me and took my bag.

I got bunch of flowers and concentrating gaze at fresh lily petals restored my sight.

Certainly I would recognize Nils- tall slim man with blue eyes. But here it was something exceptionally new… The wig! It was tall man with the wig on! And… The skirt! Tall, man in the skirt! And ear-rings! It was man in short skirt with curly wig and ear-rings!

I was struck numb. Life gave me shock. But there was no way back, and a few next months I spend living in the house of Swedish transvestite.

Swedes are very practical creatures. All summer we were busy repairing Nils house.

Never in my life I used to do such hard physical work. Normally we were busy with repair of roof, and all nearest neighbors with interest observed our maneuvers-

me in male’s overalls and top boots and Nils - in short skirt sitting legs apart at rib of roof with blue-and-yellow Swedish flag behind him.

He had enormous collection of bras, used lipstick, mascara and Tampax, supply of which was always restored in the bathroom. My curious question where he used to apply small round menstrual tampons stayed unanswered.

At last the day of my departure came. The repair works were finished. Nils looked sad.

He even forgot to apply make up after crying secretly in his room. He was bizarre, but kind and loved me in his own way. His exaggerated wish to look as female drew the circle of isolation around him even in tolerant Swedish society.

When my things were already packed, he told:

“Thanks for being with me! This is money you earned by helping me with the house”,-

he passed me envelope, - And also there is something little for you in bedroom!”

I opened the door and –O!-saw black body of big photo camera placed in the center of white pillow. Elegantly curved mysterious Cyclopes creature was looking back at me with hypnotic gaze of its lens.

My heart stopped beating. For the first time since leaving home I felt happy.

S.g. Fr. Galina Toktalieva!
Leider haben wir derzeit keine entsprechende Stelle zu vergeben. Wir werden Ihre Bewerbung aber in Evidenz halten und Sie bei Bedarf kontaktieren.
Mfg/Eissler
Ltg. Fotoredaktion
Kronen Zeitung

Der Standard
Sehr geehrte Frau Galina Toktalieva!
Vielen Dank für Ihr Interesse an einer Mitarbeit in unserem Unternehmen und für die Zusendung Ihrer diesbezüglichen Bewerbungsunterlagen.
Leider müssen wir Ihnen mitteilen, dass wir derzeit nicht die Möglichkeit haben, Ihnen eine Ihren Wünschen und Qualifikationen entsprechende Stelle in unserem Haus anbieten zu können.

Wir bedauern, Ihnen keinen positiven Bescheid geben zu können und wünschen Ihnen für die Zukunft alles Gute.
Mit freundlichen Grüßen
Evelyne Sindelar
Tel: +43-1-53170-700
Fax: +43-1-53170-484
evelyne.sindelar@derStandard.at
derStandard.at
Bronner Online AG
Wallnerstraße 8, A - 1010 Wien

I don’t know what love is. For me it is mystery, that has little to do with intimate contact. It can perfectly exist and flourish in heart without body closeness to beloved.

Weird thing is that many men are so eager to conquer woman’s body, and do nothing to conquer her thoughts.

After some efforts they can be granted with sex, but not with love. This process could be compared with eating in expensive, but tasteless restaurant. There you eat, but food does not nourish you, and nice looking dish has negative energy fill. Cook, waiter and manager – all of them added their negative energies to this dish which was expressed in wish to sell you product and then to get rid of you as soon as possible.

According to my experience, many men pursue attractive women with only one wish to

get access to her genitals – often by means of moral deception. Idea of one or two intercourses by any means is programmed in their mind. After self defeating program

is fulfilled and they experienced pleasant release after ejaculation – demoralizing aspects come to surface and make them unhappier than before.

Sex victories turn out to be self destructive.

He who strives for isolated egoistic satisfaction, after short period of elation has all symptoms of being poisoned.

Sex closeness without free will and sincere wish of both sides is harmful for health. Negative energy fluids penetrate blood system and poison us with concealed hatred, desperation, pain and fear.

Conquering women by means of deception signalizes also about low level of self-consciousness.

Men often care only about physical shape. Therefore when they touch woman breast or her clitoris, when they penetrate her vagina and experience short convulsive pleasure of orgasm, they have complete illusion of possession.

But don’t forget that 99% of our personality are invisible.

My vaginal lips and my nipples are not me. They are tiniest part of me.

When we look at our body in powerful microscope we can see that body is composed of nothing.

There are empty distances between particles which vibrate with enormous frequency and create illusion of being hard.

So men who possess only female bodies - possess nothing.

Fraudulent representations and non willful deceptions they normally do are senseless.

Even amidst violent intercourse woman reveals only 1% of herself,

and this tiny percent often imitates sex enjoyment and orgasm-

to captivate man and fatally increase his delusions.

I would give Galina other destiny and other name.

Every “no” that I hear brings me closer to “yes”

Sehr geehrte Frau Toktalieva!
Sie haben sich in unserem Unternehmen um eine feste Stelle in unserer Bildredaktion beworben. Vielen Dank für Ihr Interesse!
Leider muss ich Ihnen mitteilen, dass wir zurzeit keinen Bedarf an neuen Fotografen im Basisdienst haben.
Die Entscheidung ist uns nicht leicht gefallen und wir bitten Sie, dies nicht als Wertung Ihrer persönlichen Qualifikation zu sehen.
Wir wünschen Ihnen, dass Sie möglichst bald eine adäquate Position finden werden, die Ihren Fähigkeiten und Wünschen entspricht.
Wir möchten jedoch, dass Sie sich durch diese Nachricht nicht entmutigen lassen und wünschen Ihnen für Ihre Zukunft alles Gute und viel Erfolg!
Mit freundlichen Grüßen
Antje Kopischke
Chefredaktion
APA - Austria Presse Agentur rGenmbH
Laimgrubengasse 10
1060 Wien
Tel. +43/1/360 60-1002
Fax. +43/1/360 60-92 1002
antje.kopischke@apa.at
www.apa.at

Email considered not reliable way to apply for job; all the same I use it now,

Because I am convinced that personal visit gives any results when it is expected.

Besides some editorial offices are situated in other parts of Austria or abroad.

Here is my application and polite negative replies I started to receive.

Sehr geehrter Herr Chefredkteur ,
mit diesem Schreiben möchte ich mich als Fotojournalistin
(bzw. Fotoredakteurin, Fotoreporterin)
in Ihrem Unternehmen bewerben.
Seit Abschluss meines Journalismus-Studium an der Universität Moskau
im Juli 1987 ich bin in russischer und in internationaler Presse tätig gewesen.
Ich bin Fotojournalistin mit den Schwerpunkten soziale Probleme, Interview und
Reportage.
Seit vielen Jahren bin ich viel als freiberufliche Autorin und Fotografin mit
sozialen Themen beschäftigt und insbesondere mit sozialen Reportagen vertraut.
Ich kann Ihnen bieten: gesteigertes Interesse an Kameratechnik,
zwei sehr gute Augen und einen freundlichen Umgang mit Menschen.
In mir bekannten Bereichen arbeite ich gerne selbständig.
Die Beiträge können Sie - ebenso wie Lebenslauf, Foto,
sowie weitere Arbeitsproben - online einsehen unter:
http://www.toktali.com/blog/lebenslauf/
Selbstverständlich sind die Unterlagen auch auf Papier verfügbar,
wenn Sie dies bevorzugen.
Wenn meine Bewerbung Ihr Interesse geweckt hat,
freue ich mich über eine Einladung zur persönlichen Vorsprache.

Diethold Schaar
Sehr geehrte Frau Toktalieva,

herzlichen Dank für Ihr Interesse an einer Mitarbeit in unserem
Unternehmen. Ich muss Ihnen jedoch leider mitteilen, dass wir derzeit
keine Stelle bzw. auch keine Projekte im Bereich Fotojournalismus zu
vergeben haben. Ich nehme Ihre Bewerbung jedoch sehr gerne in Evidenz
und würde bei Bedarf wieder auf Sie zukommen.

Mit den besten Wünschen
Diethold Schaar
KURIER Online
Karin Köhler
Sehr geehrte Frau Toktalieva!

Bezug nehmend auf Ihre Bewerbung teilen wir Ihnen mit, dass die Wiener Redaktion der Kleinen Zeitung eine kleine innenpolitische Außenstelle der Zetnralredaktion in Graz ist. Es gibt keine eigene Wien-Ausgabe der Kleinen Zeitung. Derzeit haben wir in der Wiener Redaktion keinen Bedarf an Fotografen, sollte sich die Situation aber ändern, werden wir Sie gerne kontaktieren.

Mit den besten Grüßen
i.A. K. Köhler

Small beggars from Vienna streets

Der Standard, Kronen Zeitung, Kleine Zeitung, die Presse, Kurier

When they ask me what confession or political orientation I have, I reply I have none. As wisdom of meditation is to be higher than any concept or idea, my personal wisdom is to belong to any nationality, any political group, and to none in particular. Visiting meetings of Graz Baptists, Mormons, communists, new-Nazi, Greens and lesbians, I tried for a while to be in their skin, but only for a while. Remarkable characters – what I try to comprehend- can be found anywhere.

But my unusual interest in Graz politics had one more simple explanation. Politics is made mostly be men. And though I curse men and often punish them in my thoughts, I like them also very much. I am fond of their figures with slim hips, of their sincere reactions and their type of intellect. I find even smell of their arm-pits more pleasant than that of women. There is also something innocent in how they walk and munch food. Women lack of this innocence, because they exaggeratedly try to be attractive.

When I was sitting in Graz Landhaus during parliament sessions and looked at persons passing by, I thought that men normally have two zones of self-declare. It is not about size of their penis. It is about lower back of their head and their ass.

Right in front of me KPÖ and Grünen fractions were placed, and for many hours I had nothing to do except study backsides of their representatives. Men of these fractions kept their heads in such way that you got hint they were lacking real political power within assembly. Chairs of ÖVP were located at the left side, and I could study faces of its men only in profile.

My visits to parliament were not unnoticed. Now and then I caught inquisitive glance. There were periods when I shared public chairs only with old woman in red cap, who dozed during sittings.

Once in the middle of session I went to toilet, wanting to look at myself in the mirror of parliament WC.

Graz parliament toilet was surprisingly poor. WC was cramped, not very clean and lacked some normal facilities, besides it was constructed in such way that both genders were to use common entrance, after what ladies would climb small stair to women’s cabins.

I just smoothed the wrinkles of my black mini dress with nothing underneath and stepped on stair leading outside, when door opened, and one of politicians, whose photo could be found within my websites, appeared at threshold.

He wanted pi-pi. And obviously was in great need after a few hours of debates. He was keeping his hand already at the level of his zip fly and made a few hurried steps forward.

Then he suddenly caught the sight of me at the stair and gave a start. My nude legs were disposed exactly in front of his face. He made a few steps more

on pure inertia and reached urinal cabin, but then turned and dashed to exit

as quick as mouse pursued by cat. He slammed the door behind him with rapidity of horror escape.

Poor thing! I hope his bladder was not damaged.

I looked at myself in mirror and saw the woman roar with laughter there.

Parliament virgins older than 50 are afraid to look funny and also they are afraid to be raped.

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