Moving forward, as I already wrote before its always major part of life nativities unavoidable. Oddly enough all my depressing experiences concentrated in sphere of relations. It is like sado-maso games with your own gastronomic perceptiveness. When being invited to occasional restaurant I am hardly appreciative, though never complain, perceiving product freshness and also hygienic conditions it was cooked in. Far from praising Vienna restaurants. It was not rare case to be ill after dinner together with gent who wanted to get in my pants. Felt literally ill eating greasy food and necessity to resist male stupidity. I feel innermost layers of humans when communicate, including those who obtain official power (more…)

Serbian demonstration against Kosovo independence,

Vienna, Heldenplatz, 24.02.08, 13.00

As I have no more reliable source of information about Vienna events than FM-4 and Internet sites,

I arrived at place more than two hours earlier equipped with three lenses which I eventually didn’t use

When demo started, it was fun to shoot people together with other 4-5 male photographers

But I could not let myself enjoy it for more than half an hour, because I felt nervous I would not

have enough time to process photos. Chef von Dienst of Wiener Zeitung Hans Kronspieß told me that normally reporters send photos to editorial office not later than two hours after shooting (I don’t mean he ordered today’s photos, it was my own initiation) I have complex attitudes toward journalism in general as form of self-expression. They say that the first oldest profession is prostitution and the second is journalism. In first case you trade your physical self for temporary use. In second case you trade your verbal self for prolonged use and express opinions of those who pay you

Nothing changes in life quickly, but day after day, I grow more and more dissatisfied with possibilities Nikon D200 provides for shooting indoors. Sometimes I feel completely desperate looking through dark and unclear shots I made in cafe. From one side big professional camera can not suit spy and voyeuristic tendencies I have, from the other side small camera compromises quality especially in poor light conditions. After 7 months of my lonely life in Vienna and some disappointing meetings in WAFF, organizations and newspapers I become less optimistic about my professional journalistic future in Austria. This country has very good social security system, that reduces earning and career possibilities for freelancers. Austrians value stability and security, that often compromises originality, initiation and enterprise. Unless you are not included in social system, you cannot survive. When you are included, you have boring work and one topic that you constantly discuss with your colleagues is how many years you need yet to reach commonly desirable pension age (more…)

Walking tours, cold day, shopping street, no gloves. Boy from the right told patronizingly touching my shoulder that Nikon D200 is somewhat old. It was fun to shoot them. It is always easy to shoot young people. Older persons are often suspicious about something and full of false apprehensions: “Are you going to sell picture of me? Are you from newspaper? Are you private detective?” It is close to impossibility to sell snapshot of somebody, unless this person is perfectly attractive, and gives you model release- paper permission to be photographed. Today I visited “Wiener Zeitung”. Then I came to Südbahnhof and recollected time when I came to Vienna for the first time from Graz.

Saturday visit. It was cold windy morning. I made snapshot of this group near Westbahnhof. May be I idealize family relationships being deprived of them. You love man so much that it hurts and when he betrays you- you want to die. But time goes on, and soon you can not recollect his name. When I ask men what do they think love is, they use different words such as: erotic, cuddle, prolonged tender sex, having breakfast together…They see it exclusively in terms of physical closeness. It is why woman can have many husbands and lovers, but she can have only one mother.

All what street knows about love. It is not easy to make such a collection, and I spent significant time doing it. And I was always thinking what was standing behind moment of snapshot, I was thinking about these real people and their relationships.
Liebeszitate
“Am Anfang gehören alle Gedanken der Liebe. Später gehört dann alle Liebe den Gedanken.” ALBERT EINSTEIN
“Das einzig Wichtige im Leben sind die Spuren von Liebe, die wir hinterlassen, wenn wir Abschied nehmen.” ALBERT SCHWEITZER
“Das gute Leben ist von Liebe beseelt und vom Wissen geleitet.” BERTRAND RUSSELL

Thought is like this. If life were ever joyful, it would be very hard to become old and die.

We know that everyday and every hour we become a little more dead than before, we do exactly this – we approach slowly but surely our individual border of physical existence and non-existence.

Good news is that there are many things in life that are simply awful and they are unavoidable. Perhaps especially keen pain reality gives when you are young and extremely perceptive, full of dreams and expectations.

With age you become a little bit more indifferent and realize that literally nothing in the world has so superior importance in journey through eternity. I often think about endless circles of life and other reborns.

You can hardly make all your aspirations true in space of one short life, nature constantly makes new sketches out of human material – more or less successful they are.

What one can tell looking back at his past experiences.

Christoph Exler. Everybody has his own concept of love and art. And love is the only form of art where everybody

considers himself to be highly professional. I wrote these angry lines after personal talk with this painter in one of Vienna cafes. He impressed me as sarcastic person with obviously reduced respect to others mental systems, cultures and nationalities, than his own. This man whom I met by chance in Graben, introduced himself as well known Austrian painter, and with certain aplomb he invited me to drink a cup of cofree with him. There in Havelka he demonstrated me one of his drawings. It was very dark in cafe, and I could not make portrait of a man. He talked much and gave feeling of being sarcastic. In breaks between consumation of beer, he criticized all photographers for being stupid and especially me, though he had never seen what I was doing. I paid attention to small detail, that always signalizes for me about ways person has and his awareness, that though he invited me, I lost two hours listening to him and paid for my drink myself. He didn’t offer to pay for me.