VIENNA-Galina Toktalieva street photography showcase

Nothing is more tormenting than longevity of empty days, for me and, I guess,  crucial for my future as author, many a time I found myself weeping in the cold kitchen feeling helpless, after pacing the room for hours, weeping because I could not easily express myself – in English. I registered then, that my inner verbal processes, especially during peak experiences, went on in Russian, though for a number of years I tried to bring myself into other language dimensions, excluding almost all information in my mother tongue from outer world: internet, live communications and books, that were too seductive to borrow and so easy to read – to devour one volume per day. Tension in expressing myself in foreign language exists in subtle forms and may cause deviations in meaning of what I am writing about, easiness of finding true words is especially important in writing a nonfiction book. Yesterday I felt myself completely defeated, knowing that my command of foreign language would probably never reach sufficient degree of flexibility. (more…)

Kallypso, my dear self, you know that usually I start my everyday street hunt with great enthusiasm. But gradually becoming tired, struggling forward and finding nothing interesting to shoot, frozen, hungry, I feel misery. Shoulder with camera bag aches. It is not so easy to find original face in the street at all. After so many months of search, perhaps nobody knows that better than me. People tend to hide their peculiarities. But not only. Often they do not hide anything. They have standard appearance that reflects standard attitude, by other words, I dare say, people prefer not to burden themselves to be original. Therefore they look alike. They move from underground station till shop and back and have fewer differences in their looks than ants or autumn leaves. Only sometimes I am lucky to spot somebody standing aside from crowd, even if they have criminal aura like these two young gypsies. Woman is looking at me aggressively. I know that in criminal world women often are more ruthless and bold than men. The woman was afraid I am from press or police.

They_say the moments when airplane takes off and lands are most fascinating. There I was again – in the big belly of steel bird landing this time in Stockholm airport. High speed, vibration and awareness of certain risk- make perception especially sharp. In proximity of a few seconds you evaluate all your life. I was invited to Sweden by one of my pen-friends with whom I corresponded for 5 last years of my stay in Moscow. Nils often wrote me about his life. Swedish veterinarian of 50 years old – he would send me packs of stockings and roses in frosty Moscow. My life in Russia was not that easy. Only those of mixed race and nationality origin can possibly understand discriminative nuances of existence in post-soviet reconstructive environment. Chechnya war was going on; now and then I was stopped in the street by police officers who checked documents of all suspicious persons with non-Slavic appearances. By other words, like every other real nomad I was ready to fly and all my property could be packed in a single bag. Sweden- from emigration point of view could be good choice. But I had peculiar premonitions about it. Emigration means complete financial dependency on partner- so you must be sure you can stand it or dig out your own grave.

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Galina Toktalieva
They say, there is no photographer who would not consider himself to be genial. Most of them including those who photograph only for home archives – regard them to be unsurpassed specialists in photography and also consider others species with cameras to be ridiculous. Whenever I meet with next hobby photographer he hurries to give me advice how I can improve my severely neglected technique and repair personal vision. Strange thing is we all feel ourselves to be bright, but others see us as dull. I gladly take in consideration any advice. But then I usually come back to my highest Self. Sometimes struggling through feeling of desperation I ask myself, what I would do just now, if I knew that exactly in one month I would start for long journey? I could ask myself: what I would do if I know in one month I would die? But dying and death is connected with pain, disaster, illness, fear and loss in our imagination. To avoid painful associations I mind only journey – full of new mysteries and discoveries. (more…)

Wanderlust, after two years of mood zigzags and transfers from one universe to the other I start again writing in my diary. Why people write diaries at all? Who reads them on Internet? When you write your blog you must write it first of all for yourself, because as author you would never be understood or rewarded by special attention. Bust writing helps to realize many things.
Where I go? Why life can be so hard? What is satisfying relationship? And if we create our world ourselves, why we cannot make it be better?
Why I photograph, to start with, and what is good photography? How one can photograph people and get satisfaction from this activity? How to advance in this business, how to earn your living with photography? How to earn it in big city where you are stranger and don’t know anybody? How to earn your living with photography in big city where you are stranger and when you have no regular work and income? And when you are female?
And many other questions that till now stay without answers. Don’t exclaim: it is impossible! Come with me and look.