October 10, 2007 - 11:21 pm - Posted by Galina
Modeling ads always bring rich post, and usually after some selection you stay with nothing. All corresponding photographers turn out to be only next seekers of strawberry, dozens of them appear and disappear in life of models as foam.
The saddest thing is they look not only for strawberry- satisfaction of their own libido- but also eager to get it free of charge. It never occurs to them that all gains they can get by lying are illusive.
With one of my insistent correspondents I decided to meet, because he demonstrated some signs of literacy. General literacy gives more hope for mutual understanding.
It was rainy day, and we had met in Ritter caf, at Mariahilfer strasse
Franz was solid man with lively small brown eyes around 50 years old.
He showed me big collection of half-nude women in different appealing poses best photos he made during last years. I think there is no male photographer in the world who would never try to do Akt. Some of their photos are original, two-three are good, and majority is not more than manifestation of their own libido
Perhaps real professionalism includes not only good technique, but first of all the ability to rise over your personal masculine aspirations and see woman as aesthetic object.
I sensed only that something dark was standing behind Franz photos. Something always stands behind actions we repeat again for years.
Franz told that all these girls were prostitutes who ordered him internet sedcards.
Good photos could bring them more clients and more visits to hotels. Such photos must not be of artistic value.
What is about artistic taste of men who order whores in hotels?
I tried to guess where main nerve of Franz photo activity was.
Men often feel sort of sympathy for me and dont realize they confide not in potential vaginal episode, but to their occasional psychiatrist.
Franz constantly called and week later after some hesitations invited me to restaurant. And I already had the clue.
Knowing what such type of gentlemen normally expect from women, I decided reduce burden of his not justified expectations to price of salad, which I ordered.
Franz talked about his life success and was extremely talkative. It was real fountain of eloquence. He saw himself being brilliant, smart and superb!
Very soon I got tired and declared I wanted to go home.
He accompanied me, and I didnt know how to get rid of him without hurting his feelings. I already solved the puzzle and felt tremendously bored.
He followed me till the door of my new residence, and there in half darkness of doorway
he admitted being aroused. I didnt let him in, and then he opened his trousers and showed his organ, that was very well erected and with two white birthmarks at the both sides.
He confessed that making photos of prostitutes who paid him for portfolios, he masturbated often, practically every day.
I already knew that.
Men who always expect to get favors from women free from charge or even gain something at expense of her being sexually exploited by other males,
start and end with masturbation like only available form of their sexual life
Posted in Strawberry | No Comments »
September 29, 2007 - 7:33 pm - Posted by Galina
Today I forced my way through overcrowded Neubaugasse, where autumn flea market took place. For a while I was standing by kiosks with Lagos fried crumpets with garlic, inhibited by the struggle of motives and feeling overflow of saliva in my mouth.
I heard from older generation that during Second World War at market places of some provincial Russian towns there were children who were standing and stared at food, hypnotized by sight of bread and potatoes. Being adult and living in one of safest place in the world, I am gazing at food too.
First of all I enjoy being hungry.
I am feeling how healthy primary instinct raises its heard in me.
Second, I can go on in Vienna only in conditions of strict economy. Before buying anything at all, I double check severe necessity of this item for survival. If I have only a few coins, I make decision in favor of less poisonous product.
Today when I happily obtained small box of baked with skin potatoes for 2 Euros in Neubaugasse, I felt wave of instant love toward elderly woman with apron at the corner of this street, who sells maroni and chips and who radiates compassion. She looked at me with sympathy and added extra portion to my box. Or I only imagined she made so? I am often in love with somebody from the first sight. It is why I always feel scared to look at them again.
In the middle of the street there was book market, and my attention was caught by collection of nudity photo books. One placed at the top of others was: Shaved beauties with natural photos of A4 size exposing models indoors and outdoors. There were seductively smiling young girls of 18-20 years old with shaved pubic hair. Girls demonstrated different perspectives of vaginal lips and also mucous membranes between lips and between buttocks. Photos were not tasteless and being exposed in Fotocommunity (internet portal for Austrian and German hobby photographer where I am registered), would attract attention and praise, that other photos of higher quality and not connected with nudity, can never do.
I noticed that one man was swirling around with impatience and then immediately grabbed this album. He was older than 50, shabby looking, with dim eyes of creature whose natural desires were suppressed by regulations of society.
Suddenly it struck me why men all of them -would get excited by gynecological panoramas of vaginal lips. They are excited by paradox combination of innocence and depravity exposed together and by direct disclosure of privacy simulating disclosure of secret wish. They are sexually aroused by fundamental image, exploited by erotic photography: so young, and so spoiled.
Probably they dont realize they see in shaved vaginal lips and open girls crotch themselves! There own unfulfilled wishes, dissatisfactions and complexes, reflected in mirror of erotic. There own doubles look back at them from glossy pages of erotic journals.
They see sex appeal. I see abused innocence. Innocence is the only true quality all these young seemingly available girls have. Youth is manifestation of innocence by itself. Idea of sex and lust for copulation was brought in photos by male photographers.
It is interesting that even pedophiles attain certain sexual wishes to 10-12 years old girls.
May be it is difficult idea to accept that not only 12 or 18 years old nude model can be innocent;
Even 45-years old nude model can be completely innocent.
What does it mean to be innocent? It means to be free of desire to copulate or to have any body contact with occasional men, including nudity photographers.
It means to have motives that are not connected with sexuality in any activity, even if it is
prostitution or pornography.
And only innocence can be sold. ?
Posted in Strawberry | 3 Comments »
September 27, 2007 - 9:27 pm - Posted by Galina
“People now are too practical. All they think about is earning money and then sleeping with a girl for free, and then earning more money” Wei Hui, author of bestseller “Shanghai baby”
Once upon time being enterprising Moscow reporter I would write sketches for rubric journalist changes profession. It is vital to know intimately what you are writing about. Not only spending time together with certain people, but also looking at the world with their eyes.
Perhaps my psychological interest to call girls was always one degree too high. Overpassing common prejudice, this interest made my private interview encounters suspicious about real motives of my curiosity, sometimes they would stop confide and ask: Why you are so much about whores, are you so yourself? To what I could reply: What does it mean to be prostitute or not to be one? We must agree about terms we use for certain behavior and life mode, we also must compromise about border which separates prostitution and other seemingly honest or clean activities in real life situations.
Generally speaking, prostitute is person (man or woman) who tends to get reward for certain body manipulations and also for sex or erotic appeal, that can be expressed orally or by body exposure. And it is here when question of border arises. Where erotic that will be rewarded starts and ends? Is it eye-contact? Is it sound of voice? Is it touching personal story that was narrated to you? There are no stable definitions of reward either. Is it jester of fondness like bunch of roses? Or is it banknote to buy these roses? Is it favor like any assistance in job promotion?
Talking to men about their private experiences with brothel call girls I tried not so much collect facts about common features of profession, but to investigate attitude of men toward subject. Those who talked to me could not suspect that object of my interest were not salable women first of all, but themselves - those who used services of salable women. It was crucial how they saw the point.
First of all I discovered that males point of view differed from my own, and from point of view women normally have. Gender mentality differences can be decisive. Very often males attained to women their own gender motives. When person describes certain picture or gives judgment, he does not realize he describes himself. All we see is subjective! And it gives complete unchangeable illusion of being objective!
To be continued
Posted in Strawberry | No Comments »
September 23, 2007 - 4:09 pm - Posted by Galina
I anticipated how I would visit regular monthly meeting of local Fotocommunity, because it could be novelty since my 2-month stay in Vienna. To meet those engaged as me in photography - that is great! And as usual expectations and reality didn’t match and left me in state of bewilderment and frustration. Looking around in dim bar, I could not realize why all these people meet together at the first place, with all my intuitive insights I could not sense real grounds for struggling through time schedule and then dying from boredom here. Personally for me there was no sufficient informative or emotional exchange that makes communication satisfying. I am also sensitive about people’s aura and energetic vibrations they send to others.
Living in mega polis has its dark sides. Unfortunately many inhabitants of big cities give impression of being dull, reserved and self-important. When you look at them directly they immediately look aside, as if they are afraid to meet your eyes. You can exercise simple experiment - going along one of Vienna streets- look in eyes of every stranger that goes your way. When I do that they avert their eyes at once. And only if I ware short skirt and move along Burggasse or Nuebaugrtel, where many bars with profi or semi-profi butterflies situated - men demonstrate steadiness of glance that is often followed by attempts to talk.
Coming back to local Fotocommunity group meeting, I dare say disappointments often signalize expectations are not adequate to reality. I realized again with great sadness that every of us is an island, hopelessly separated by ocean from others. There is no bridge and never will be! We see only fruits that planted at our own soil - completely blind about anything else.
And it is common problem of humankind. We have blinders at eyes, like horses by Stephansdom, who are programmed to go only one way convenient for their coachman. We are not only blind, we are lazy and unwilling to step aside, to see alternatives!
When I introduced myself:”Hello, I am Galina”, they shook my hand and replied listlessly: “Hi, Kalina! Where are you from?”, and then came back to their beer, I knew I wasted time to find persons holding similar views here. And what about sexuality, I truly believe there is no special difference between lifeless sex and lifeless handshake, lifeless talk an lifeless coitus… All languid manifestations including dim glance, long talks about non-relevant subjects, lack of activity and suppressed movements reveal reduced energy potentiality and give you instant true picture what boring dull unhealthy sex with such person could be.
Only one consideration somehow reconciliated me with reality. Whenever I visit such type of meetings, young amateurs who think I have distant relation to photography can not help directing there camera at me, perhaps finding that type of content in my appearance that makes shooting interesting - and what I constantly search and often don’t find in others.
Posted in Strawberry | No Comments »
