Young female beggar in one of Vienna streets listening to arguments of older woman who suddenly stopped to express her opinion on beggary.
For the first time in my life, I was brought at the place against my will and kept there shut. I felt shaken and thought it must be mistake and soon they would let me go.
At the same time, I knew in my heart that the world where I lived before would never be the same again. On incomprehensible reasons, I became outcast, object of persecution; I broke certain rules and revealed my alien nature to others. I failed to act in reality that all others people except of me shared. So albino crow in flock of black birds is hit by beaks of others till it is dead. I had feeling that all others shared knowledge I had no access to. (more…)

Feeling distantly curious about the car, I had no any thought it could concern me. However, my eyes were fixed at the fire escape staircase leading on the roof of the building. I regretted being disobedient to Red Mistress. Moreover, my instincts told me I was in danger after talk with her.
Struggling with imperative to escape, I asked myself:
- What I am afraid of? Did I damage school property, steel money from the common safe or did I murder, harm or gave public insult to somebody? Why I must run and crawl like beast, seized with panic, if I know I am pure and innocent?
Three men in white gowns who appeared at the doors to interrupt my inner dispute. And without further explanations one of them – with sleeves turned up high above massive black-haired arms- told I must attend sort of psychological consultation instantly and drive there in ambulance car. The air this hospital attendant had did not give chance to resist or question. Escorted along corridors and downstairs I felt myself unreal. We crossed the yard, and before door of van closed behind me, I caught glimpse of yak chignon that flashed between curtains in one of school windows.
The car was moving on high speed toward secluded suburban areas of town, passed big park and arrived at barbwire-fenced territory. (more…)

Photo was made during one of manifestations in center of Vienna. The man with the dog has inscription at his shirt: “Nothing moves forward without Haider”

According to my private statistics Jörg Haider is the most frequent Google search term after words sex and nudity that direct visitors to my website. When you live in the western country and bring reminiscences about totalitarian society in broad audience you easily gain understanding and support.

Act of critical evaluation suggests unspoken comparison of what was before and what is now. It can sound like compliment in address of western democracy. Everybody would easily imagine that Galina’s soviet life was only abuse and suppression, that she was persecuted as minor progressive thinker, failed to find justice in her righteous struggle and moved to the West, where she found eventually her happy land.
However, not all is that simple (more…)

One flew over Cuckoo’s Nest (Ich flog über’s Kuckucksnest )

When I was 19 years old, I failed entrance examination to the Kyrgyz university.
First exam was English and I passed it very well. Then it came turn of composition. We were to write a few pages on the theme ‘Communism and future of humankind’.
Instead of using cribs with Lenin quotes as many did it, I scribbled down my own precious opinion on the subject and perhaps missed a few commas during this euphoric process.
All was lost. Feeling myself complete failure, I eventually found the place of librarian with minimal salary in the school library. My work for now on was to give out books, to keep catalogs in order and to assist young communists organization with their on-wall designs
After I enthusiastically issued some patriotic drawings, edition of wall newspaper became my must.
Normally I was sitting day long in books repository with red and black ink handy. However, sometimes I was asked to entertain certain class whose headmaster had not emerged at the place. One needed special voice volume capacities to fit that task.
Once amidst my paper work, I received call from direction. There I met face to face with mistress of institution. (more…)

Group of people in Mariahilfer Strasse, Vienna. That plump woman with hair standing on at her head looked rather funny. She addressed me with idea to get a few coins for drink
Zhanna
It was sunny spring of 1982. The university alley of apple and peach trees was all pink lace of blossoms. The air was fresh and clear. But I was ascending marble staircase of main building with monument of Great Chief at the top feeling chill in my heart.
I was first year philology student and had exam on history of communist party.
There were two sleepless nights before due to quantity of books to read, which added to feeling of emptiness inside.
The group of students gathered in corridor by the classroom where professor Zhanna – pride of Kyrgyz historical materialism and peril of neglecting freshmen was receiving exams. (more…)

When I came back to lathe, I saw inspector with measure gadget there probing my patterns. He declared high percentage of deficiency and recommended to sharpen the drill. It was smoke break in instrumental store, and a group of middle-aged workers gathered around the table. Black plate of old radio was on the wall.
While uncle Vanya was sharpening my drill, I listened to the radio and to small talk of oldies.
There were no victims and no buildings destruction in republic after night earthquake, except of few clay huts collapse in province.

One old turner told how he witnessed strong earthquake many years ago in mountains area, when canyon suddenly appeared within a few meters from him, devoured people and cattle, and then formed new, smooth plateau. Then there were rumors about replacement in power structures. It was not 1937, but 1977, but people still talked by euphemisms. The chief editor of town newspaper was fired. His typesetter in print shop missed one letter in composition, what came out unnoticed. Newspaper was issued as usual by 100.000 copies circulation with words: traitor Brezhnev- instead of -chairman Brezhnev- printed in bold shrift at the first page.
Getting the drill, I still didn’t work, as hand crane was out of order and could not transport me new supply of pieces. I decided to climb up 30-meters staircase and check what was going wrong. (more…)

The moral postulate of soviet society was simple: who does not work must not eat, and parasitism was considered to be hardest sin. One could even be in problems with police suspected in parasitic mode of existence.

Living in center of Europe nowadays, I see symbiotic relationships with society to be of no great fault at all, as life constantly brings me in touch with Austrians who exist on behalf of social benefits for years, imitating intense activity and presenting extraordinary image of themselves to the world.

In spite of my devotion to spiritual teachings of new age, where abundance as form of energy is available for everybody, I still convinced that universal law of prosperity has formula of short blanket: you can feel very good in social system only on expense of others (more…)

It was 5 o’clock in the morning. I lay in darkness of the room awaken by strange sensation. The night was sticky and still, and full moon accompanied by blinking pearl of lonely star beamed in the open window. A moment later neighbors dog gave low howl of misery and supplication, and distant wails of other dogs echoed it.

It was some time before my morning shift at the plant, and still seized by odd feeling, I got up to prepare a cup of tea. Electric bulb hanging down from ceiling of kitchen on the long cord lighted up paint washed walls and shining spherical teapot at the table. Bulb was moving back and forth, as if swayed by wind. Then I realized with mixture of exhilaration and dismay it was earthquake and ran out in the yard, as people in seismic zones normally do being not sure house would stand stronger shoves. However, all was still around, and minute later peacock in nearby yard crowed his solemn greeting for coming dawn. It was only slight wave – not more than three units on Richter scale that day, and inspecting plaster of our old brick house later, I found only one new crack.

(more…)