Today I forced my way through overcrowded Neubaugasse, where autumn flea market took place. For a while I was standing by kiosks with Lagos fried crumpets with garlic, inhibited by the struggle of motives and feeling overflow of saliva in my mouth.
I heard from older generation that during Second World War at market places of some provincial Russian towns there were children who were standing and stared at food, hypnotized by sight of bread and potatoes. Being adult and living in one of safest place in the world, I am gazing at food too.
First of all I enjoy being hungry.
I am feeling how healthy primary instinct raises its heard in me.
Second, I can go on in Vienna only in conditions of strict economy. Before buying anything at all, I double check severe necessity of this item for survival. If I have only a few coins, I make decision in favor of less poisonous product.
Today when I happily obtained small box of baked with skin potatoes for 2 Euros in Neubaugasse, I felt wave of instant love toward elderly woman with apron at the corner of this street, who sells maroni and chips and who radiates compassion. She looked at me with sympathy and added extra portion to my box. Or I only imagined she made so? I am often in love with somebody from the first sight. It is why I always feel scared to look at them again.
In the middle of the street there was book market, and my attention was caught by collection of nudity photo books. One placed at the top of others was: Shaved beauties with natural photos of A4 size exposing models indoors and outdoors. There were seductively smiling young girls of 18-20 years old with shaved pubic hair. Girls demonstrated different perspectives of vaginal lips and also mucous membranes between lips and between buttocks. Photos were not tasteless and being exposed in Fotocommunity (internet portal for Austrian and German hobby photographer where I am registered), would attract attention and praise, that other photos of higher quality and not connected with nudity, can never do.
I noticed that one man was swirling around with impatience and then immediately grabbed this album. He was older than 50, shabby looking, with dim eyes of creature whose natural desires were suppressed by regulations of society.
Suddenly it struck me why men all of them -would get excited by gynecological panoramas of vaginal lips. They are excited by paradox combination of innocence and depravity exposed together and by direct disclosure of privacy simulating disclosure of secret wish. They are sexually aroused by fundamental image, exploited by erotic photography: so young, and so spoiled.
Probably they don’t realize they see in shaved vaginal lips and open girls crotch themselves! There own unfulfilled wishes, dissatisfaction and complexes, reflected in mirror of erotic. There own doubles look back at them from glossy pages of erotic journals.
They see sex appeal. I see abused innocence. Innocence is the only true quality all these young seemingly available girls have. Youth is manifestation of innocence by itself. Idea of sex and lust for copulation was brought in photos by male photographers.
It is interesting that even pedophiles attain certain sexual wishes to 10-12 years old girls.
May be it is difficult idea to accept that not only 12 or 18 years old nude model can be innocent;
Even 45-years old nude model can be completely innocent.
What does it mean to be innocent? It means to be free of desire to copulate or to have any body contact with occasional men, including nudity photographers.
It means to have motives that are not connected with sexuality in any activity, even if it is
prostitution or pornography.
One more word about prohibition od children nudity on Internet. It seems, there is well developed net of spies on Internet, who search for any traces of children nudity and pornography, they musk themselves as seekers for children sex video and photos, my statistics is full with such kea-words- 12 years old nudes. When they find something on Internet, concerning this subject, they immidietly report to their organization, and it is easy to trace offender through Internet providers.