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_GALI_dali

Most probable, men of power never pay visits to local brothels, where they can be spied out. If somebody appeared at least once on the screen of TV, it was risky for him to break with the air of lewd innocence in whorehouses or visit corrupted pussy at home when he could be recognized. I guess discriminating law making is connected with chronically sick libido.

Gentlemen in nice suits circulating in city hall and parliament are victims of their own public images and unsatisfied wishes. They strive for demonstration of self-importance erected on cramped libido of unhappy marriages. They could only dream possessing prostitutes – their body and soul. But grip of passion for political power was equally strong, and it made the choice. I always felt myself investigative and curious about prostitutes, these enigmatic night butterflies, queens of seduction and throat tripper. Do they separate themselves from their bodies when giving blow job or offering orifices to next drunk man with beer belly and dim eyes of ill animal? I used all small tricks available to milk my occasional acquaintances for information about hot places in town

I wanted also to test myself.

Living in Graz without income and without prospect to get work permit, sometimes hungry and mentally unwell, I often vibrated between wish to end my life and hope to find at least temporary source of survival.
Can I possibly earn something in nightspot as other foreign women do?

Why I must give up struggle and die in my small flat under the roof when life still fascinates me?

Sometimes meeting people who talked contemptuously of money I though they were fools. Or they had never been in state of real poverty. It was not starvation that scared, when you could not buy cake you saw in bakery window, the worst was paralyzing misery, fear and humiliation which literally burned out your guts from inside .

It was not enough to know that having Graz AMS in mind (job office), you would quickly find yourself employed by biggest whorehouse situated exactly opposite. The army of Graz prostitutes was represented also by semi-professionals who never appeared in vicinity of brothels, but who traded their services through newspaper and internet love ads. They could be ordinary students, waitresses, lonely mothers and sales-girls, offering home services without any medical check unless met with too visible consequences of promiscuity.

Galina Toktalieva

Kyrgyzstan-born author residing in Graz, Austria

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