Flight over the Cuckoo’s nest

toktali_viennaby Galina Toktalieva
To make our lessons more enjoyable, young teacher replacing an older one, urged us to talk in German about personal ambitions, stimulating our activity by patient approach of recently baked pedagogue and by genuine curiosity that glowed at her fresh innocent face.

Poor German and lack of imagination may seem connected, if one is absolutely sure that level of income correlates with IQ. Disciples play their roles well. If one considers pupils to be stupid, the performance during lesson will be all dullness and stupidity. If one considers them to be smart, one would get astonishing proof of such beliefs. It is amazing, how subtle and intelligent dish washer on welfare could be, who cannot articulate simplest phrases and has 2-years old child vocabulary.

We strive for attention and possibility to exercise new language skills more than for factual grammar knowledge. Besides t is very exciting to talk about ourselves in front of small audience, even if we cannot find suitable words. Everybody went on with more or less frank confessions. Even if they were only partly honest, one could track our life priorities by choices we made. Wishes could be rough drafts of future accomplishments.
Not all dreams of course, would come true. As spiritual leader Maharaj put once in talk with visitor who complained about his unfulfilled wishes: “Do you deserve it?”
Perhaps he meant, that our desire will be fulfilled, if we deserve it. Such desire is not minute wish or whim. It is strong, lasting aspiration that comes from deepest resources of our soul. And it must fit the harmonious structure of our environment and nature of things.
One dreamed to become suddenly well off and to burn life at luxurious hot spots. Other wanted to be extremely popular for other gender and date ferociously. The third dreamed to improve her language skills and get office job.
My confession sounded strange in comparison. Nobody took it in earnest. It could be only next German-language-exercise sample mouthed by veteran of the group with her inferiority complex, they thought. Or it was show-case that masked vicious psycho twists. If it was genuine desire, it didn’t satisfy last – and most important- requirement of paradigm: it offended common sense and gravitation law.
Dreamers could stay dreamers forever, if their claim didn’t mirror mainstream of their everyday thoughts. Or if their fulfilled wish could break harmonious order of things. In my case all seemed to be grave. I dreamed to possess magic powers and paranormal abilities: sorcery, healing and hypnotizing gift, existence in a few places simultaneously and travel in space by means of levitation. Most of all, I wanted to fly.
In prehistoric times, when dinosaurs started to conquer the sky when there were no birds, monstrous species glided in air on huge webbed wings. But nature worked for miniaturization of her survival champions. Humans occurred to be relatively compact, but still too big and too feeble to manage wings of corresponding size, though always possessed by idea to rise in the air with apparent defiance of gravity, including jumping-from-bell-tower-with-umbrella aerodynamic experiments. My mother can recollect how she saw airplane for the first time 75 years ago, that landed in the fields of Kyrgyz Chu valley and was taken as miracle.
I wanted to fly without known technical facilities like helicopter, airplane or hot-air balloon. I wished to move in space as gust of wind, clot of energy or electromagnetic whirl, airborne night dreams and vivid levitation sensations pursuing me.

Galina Toktalieva

Kyrgyzstan-born author residing in Graz, Austria

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