Der Akt

symbolic_composition

Among other dreams for paranormal powers, I had dream of myself splitting in two and keeping company of my duplicate. I envisioned complete understanding between those two – the sort of intimacy identical twins have. Looking around, I knew I would stay inexplicable for ever. It is rare that friends have similar interests, viewpoints and comparable state of inner evolution when they start to speak. It is rare that their mutual sympathy is pure and free of rivalry or gender merge instincts. So success of their interaction depends on common points or limited shared space they have, which often looks like tiny intersection of two light rays. Maybe communication to the clone would look like merge of two parallel lines and enclose eternity? I fancied we would do a lot of things together with my double: enjoy talk or share silence, assist to one another in hundreds of everyday tasks. But best of all – we would create stuff in art nude photography.

It is not wonder that many nude art photographers, whose appeal reaches us through artifacts of publishing and Internet, – are men. Nudity is sphere of life where males and their libido rules. To look at feminine body, to cherish its beauty and feel spontaneous arousal as climax of aesthetic appreciation – this was the essence and standpoint of all art. Perhaps, if there was no sexual urge and ability to be instantly excited by visual tease, the nude photography would not exist at all. Some female photographers engaged in nudity, acquire unconsciously masculine view. They may create highly aesthetic nude art pieces that can look pure, but relatively listless – free of energizing carnality and side effects of bubbling testosterone.

However there are no pros without contras in the world. Lights and shadows mix and add to one another streaming along in undividable Whole. Male’s passion to find and create visual teasers – has its dark sides. Driven by lust, photographer does not estimate correctly the nature of his desire and appropriate use of technical tools. He has too much of burning stuff in his blood, that fogs rational thinking, makes his vision blurred and focused exclusively at pubic area of model. He sees himself as brilliant artist, omnipotent genius of nude art photography. His ability to concentrate, his estimation of good composition and light are often poor. He enjoys shooting as act of virtual masturbation, being sure that model enjoys it EQUALLY.
Here is the point of difference between amateur and professional. The performer must detach from his groins tension to create genuine piece of art. Perhaps it is why designers dealing with nudity of females professionally, often have other sexual orientation.

Every person who keeps camera, especially expensive one, considers himself to be a photographer – in spite of spirit maybe missing. The result of amateur nude shooting most probable would be series of zero artistic shots, which are good for nothing except harming model’s self-esteem. Even if photographer didn’t touch model in process, she has sufficient reason to feel herself sexually abused. And though victim may participate in event and even suggest photographing (abusing) herself, shooting is mostly hurtful for her as price paid for acknowledgement of her attractiveness.
Coming through certain experiences as model – when the very act of exhibiting and depriving myself of protective shell – contained already abusive agent in itself, not talking already about huge emotional pressing photographers unconsciously perform on models,

I came to idea that photographers at my disposal lack sensibility, original ideas and feeling of harmony crucial for visual artist, mistakenly taking their eroticism for art instinct. They strive first of all for recognition of their masculinity that helplessness of stripped female would imaginary bring them.
Therefore, I had my dreams. I wanted to split in two – and become totally compatible couple of model and photographer, who come in existence to manifest my designs.

Galina Toktalieva

Kyrgyzstan-born author residing in Graz, Austria

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1 Response

  1. Karl R. H. says:

    I have read about your *splitting dreams*
    Please, be free for August session with me
    Amités
    Karl